My 6-year-old came home from school the other day, and we had our usual after school conversation. I always ask my kids, “What were three of your fillers today? And what were three of your drainers today?” I’ve come to learn that this is a much better question than ‘How was your day?’ as it’s specific and it challenges my kids to critically reflect on the day.
Anyway, with regards to the drainers, he said ‘My friend told me that I was on the bottom of her friends list.” Now, as a parent, your heart breaks. Kids just don’t realize the weight of their words. Then again, some adults I know don’t either. So we discussed.
“Ya know, when your sister is upset with you, it’s more a reflection of her mood than it is what you are doing. If you get impatient with your sister, that’s usually on one of your not-so-super-awesome days. When Dad or Mom is ever frustrated with the other, it’s usually when we are tired. Someone’s attitude towards you is usually a reflection of what’s going on in their world.”
We concluded with, “You know what you say? You say, thank you for the thoughts, let’s make tomorrow a better day. And you give them some space.” He laughed, and we moved on with our day.
The more I live life, the more I learn that judgement from others is 100% a reflection of what's going on with them than of you. How people express their own insecurities, attitudes, and otherwise is not about you. Similarly, how we judge others is a reflection of our values, focus, attitude and et cetera.
Be the energy you want to see in the world, folks!