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Personal Negative Feedback

1/25/2017

3 Comments

 
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My 6-year-old came home from school the other day, and we had our usual after school conversation. I always ask my kids, “What were three of your fillers today? And what were three of your drainers today?” I’ve come to learn that this is a much better question than ‘How was your day?’ as it’s specific and it challenges my kids to critically reflect on the day.

Anyway, with regards to the drainers, he said ‘My friend told me that I was on the bottom of her friends list.” Now, as a parent, your heart breaks. Kids just don’t realize the weight of their words. Then again, some adults I know don’t either. So we discussed.

“Ya know, when your sister is upset with you, it’s more a reflection of her mood than it is what you are doing. If you get impatient with your sister, that’s usually on one of your not-so-super-awesome days. When Dad or Mom is ever frustrated with the other, it’s usually when we are tired. Someone’s attitude towards you is usually a reflection of what’s going on in their world.” 

We concluded with, “You know what you say? You say, thank you for the thoughts, let’s make tomorrow a better day. And you give them some space.” He laughed, and we moved on with our day.

The more I live life, the more I learn that judgement from others is 100% a reflection of what's going on with them than of you. How people express their own insecurities, attitudes, and otherwise is not about you. Similarly, how we judge others is a reflection of our values, focus, attitude and et cetera. 

Be the energy you want to see in the world, folks!
3 Comments
AnnetteQ
1/25/2017 06:28:02 pm

Love love love intentional conversations with our kids. With my teens I always ask what the best part of their day was and what is one thing they can do better next time? Really helps them sort through some charged up feelings or see why/how their actions or reactions impact others.

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Cogi
1/25/2017 07:11:00 pm

The biggest lesson I had to learn (after hearing it and realizing it OVER AND OVER again) was that outside input is only so valuable. I receive from everybody, but I always examine critically and only decide after careful examination whether I'm going to implement or discard. It's always interesting when someone wants to give purely negative feedback without being constructive, but you're 100% right - they're telling me their feelings, not their thoughts.

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Carissa
1/25/2017 07:58:53 pm

Brilliant!! Such a great life lesson and to learn it at such a young age is quite the gift!!!

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